Hey guys!!!
Oh what a day and what a life. I try really hard to be a good friend, but sometimes I feel there is so much more I could do to make my friends feel happy and live up to what a real friend should be. I definetely see that alot of my friends feel as if I have moved on and perhaps left them behind. I understand how they could feel this way, but it breaks my heart. The truth is infact that altough I have grown apart from some, and do feel I am drifting apart from these people each and everyday, those that are still in my life mean more to me than ever. I finally understand exactly how crucial and how special my true friends are and I with they could see my emotions, because then they would truly see how incrediably wonderful they are and how much I love them.
All of us do things unknowingly that hurt those around us but I feel as if I do so many of these things without even knowing it. I think Teens Camping Tour was the best thing that ever happened to me in so many ways. My friends from home though would not agree I am sure. They feel left behind, not cared for and forgotten. While this is true for some, as I through TCTW realized that I do not have so much in common with some of them- that is only a select few. Most though that I still love to death, today more than the day I left, feel bad about the experience. I am sure this is my fault as I am always running off to spend time with my Teens Tour friends and constantly talking about the trip. I don't know what to do. The trip was so important in my life and the friends I made are equally important, yet my friends at home know me better than anyone, I have grown with these people and we have shared our entire lives together. We have reached our Senior year and while we should be coming together to say our final good byes before we head off on our separate paths, the opposite seems to be occuring. I hate it and I feel that it is due to mis communtication and circumstances.
I am in such a dilemma, I am satisfied to sit alone so much of the time and be with myself only, my friends take this as a direct insult, that I would rather be a loser than be with them, it is not this at all. I only wish I could make everyone understand me.

Hello All, Which is no one really cux no one really reads this! Anyway I am @ Chapill Hill in Ashley's dorm right now just about to whatch the Texas/Carolina game on tv. I need to take a shower too, cux we are boarderline skank at the moment. I got here at around 7 last night. Holly and I had quite a drive down here...but we made it. Anyway I got to see Brad and Brian and meet all of Ashelys suite mates. We just hung out in thier dorms and discussed the massive oddities of their roomates, but it was alot of fun anyway. Even though we really didn't do much as far as parties go, college life is just full of freedom. I might get board if I lived here, but as far as vacationing goes its a great getaway from my parents and such. The campus is pretty and so is everyone here too! I am glad I have gotten to and will get to visit more of my friends at college as the year goes on to prepare myself for the day soon to come when I have to go to which ever one I get in. It seems really hard, moving from jville where I know everyone and everyone knows me to a place where all the faces are strange. I wish I knew someone to go with, to be my roomate, just for the comfort level. I wish I had come to unc with ashley we would have had such a blast! Anyway I have had such a great time so far and I know tonight will be even better the only thing is that I have to go home back to Jville, which is really depressing (there is close to nothing left there for me). Anyway its so great to be hanging out with my very best friend in the whole world!

Ahh- Sunday mornings...means we have school yet again tommrow, and I can almost promise that that will not be the least bit exciting. My Saturday night was not the least bit excititng either, but don't think I am complaining. I took my dog for a walk around 8 or so. Poor thing he could hardly make it, I tried to carry him when he got really tired but if you have ever seen my extremely overwieght beagle you know that is near impossible. So while I was walking though I discovered the most ironic thing, myself..3 years ago.
There were all these cars packed with screaming teenagers, no dout freshman or sophomores. I would bet they borrowed their parents car for the evening and when I saw them were driving in a fashion that would horrify the parents. The music was blaring, they were going way too fast and packed to the brim with eager excited kids. I remember when that was me maegan erin and ashley. Wow how things have changed. I can safely bet that that is not what anyone of us would call a fun filled night.
I am jelous of those screaming kids though, they have so much ahead for them. I have come so far from being in their position with my close knit friendship circle. Now on my Saturday night I walk my dog, take a shower and settle in for a night filled with Saturday Night Live. Erin and Maegan are out. And my Ashley is off at Carolina.
Yes times have changed and people too, but life happens and all you can do is go with it.

Hello all! Well i just have the most exciting information. My best friend from teens tour, Holly, well her uncle is replacing Mikey in Panic! That is totally awesome! He used to play in Phil and Friends, his name is Jimmy Herring! I almost passed out when she told me, it is just so cool!
On another note, we had our first homefoot ball game last night and of course we lost, but not by much! It is so strange how things change, we used to be state champs and now we are lucky if we can win more than two games a season. Hmm after that I actually had a good time, which is odd in the town.
Here are my thoughts lately: Brian has been creeping into my head, which can be expected due to the recent laspe in boy action. I wonder would I be stupid enough to take him back, not that he is coming back just a thought to ponder.
I really really need to get on all my applications for college, I am sending the first one in this week. I am so nervous about if I will get into to WFU or not. Actually my parents car alot more than I do. I am just pumped about the freedom that will come with any college I go to, as well as having good prof. I can't wait to forget about all the crap we have to memorize and actually start learning stuff I care about! High school is fun, but I can't say I have learned alot, at least not in school!


Freshman Year- I can not even picture what that was like. I can't believe that the things that happened that year actually were real. Why couldn't that have happened when I was all grown up and understood at least something about high school. At that point everything was happening so so fast and I did was hold on tight for the short but amazing ride. I have never had a relationship as mature as that in some ways to this day and here I am about to graduate and 17. I can't help myself from endlessly asking why did that happened? Because I was so incrediably impressionable at that point, as every freshman is I was molded, taught and almost created due to him and all that we did together. It has been so long since I have been with him, he has been gone so long, off in the real world that he left me for, and I can hardly believe I will be leaving here and going out there to! Finally! Really though I thought I would never never get over him, but I am!

Well I am gonna go about my day now!